The Star Wars Show!
by embrace-insanity
Summary: A fun show featuring characters from Star Wars! Written by me and my good friend Dawn of Time. Drop in and check it out! I rated it T for mild violence, just to let you know. :D
1. Chapter 1

**FYI, neither myself or Dawn of Time owns any of the characters from Star Wars. **

Dawn of Time: Welcome!

Jessica: This is our new show!

Dawn of Time: With Star Wars!

Jessica: Our characters are:

Dawn of Time: R2D2, JarJar and Obi-wan!

Jessica: Yay!

DOT:*Turns to Obi-wan* You know, when I hear your name I always think Obi-wan Kenobi-wan 'cause it rhymes! *Laughter ensues*

Jessica: Okay then...

R2D2: beboopweeeooo!

DOT: What did he just say?

Jessica: I don't know, but it sounded like laughter!  
R2D2: BEEPBEEPBEEP!!!!  
DOT: Maybe he's trying to tell us something.  
JarJar: MEESA KNOW! MEESA ALWAYS BE KNOWIN!  
Everyone: *stares annoyingly at JarJar*  
JarJar: Oopsies! Whatsa did I do now?  
Obi-wan: *in awesome way of his* JarJar, my son, you are very close to being killed by my lightsaber.  
*Anakin walks in unexpectedly*  
*Everyone stares*  
Jessica: Ok......and you're here because....?  
Anakin: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE INVITE ME??? *stares at everyone with angry tears* I'M SO ANGRY!!! I MUST TAKE IT OUT ON THE ONES I LOVE!!!  
DOT: What?  
Jessica: What?  
JarJar: Meesa gonna get hurt then!  
Anakin: *pauses and stares at JarJar* Uh...no.  
JarJar: *sniffles*  
Obi-wan: Oh no, he's done this before! Like when he turned into Darth Vader!  
Jessica: YOU'RE DARTH VADER????  
Anakin: Well yah. Sometimes.  
Jessica: *amazed expression*  
DOT: Well, ok then, thats enough for today. We want to--  
Anakan: BUT I STILL NEED TO EMOTIONALLY/PHYSICALLY HURT THE ONES I LOVE!!!  
DOT: *angry glare that makes JarJar scream and R2D2 beep* LATER, ANIKAN.  
Jessica: Whoa, Dawn of Time, calm down.

DOT: Sorry, but I think he overreacts sometimes and it gets on my nerves.

Anakin: I am not overreacting!

DOT: Are too.

Anakin: Am not!

DOT: Just shut up! *pulls out yellow lightsaber* Die! *kills Anakin* oopsy!

Obi-wan: Well, someone had to do it.  
JarJar: ANI, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
R2D2: Bleepitybleepbleepbleep!  
DOT: Say what?  
Jessica: I think he was just swearing.  
DOT: *horrified stare*  
Anikan: *ominous voice from heavens* AM NOT.....  
DOT: I thought I killed you!  
Anakin: You thought wrong, because I can always....materialize as a sparkly ghost!  
*Anakin materializes as a sparkly ghost*  
Jessica: Whoa.  
JarJar: ANI, YAY!!!!  
Obi-wan: I've done my time as a sparkly ghost, yes.....  
DOT: Ok.....  
Anakin: FEAR ME!  
DOT: Uh....no.

Jessica: I think you should fear him, Dawn of Time.

DOT: I think not!

Anakin: Why not?

DOT: Because I have the power of Barbies on my side!

Anakin: Barbies?

Jessica: Barbies?

JarJar: Bar-what?

Obi-wan: Barbies?

R2D2: bleepboweeah

DOT: Yes, Barbies! *tosses one at Anakin* See?

Anakin: I'm melting, meeellllttttiiiinnnggg!

Obi-wan: *to Anikan* Let me be the first to say that what you've done, my son, is lame.  
JarJar: MEESA AFRAID OF BARFIES TOO!  
DOT: It's barBies. With a b.  
Anakin: *still melting* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jessica: What's so bad about Barbies?  
Anakin: *still melting* They're just so.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
DOT: Specifics?  
Anakin: *STILL melting* Jeez, I'm a slow melter. *goes back to subject* Well, it's a long, terrifying story from my long, terrifying childhood....  
Obi-wan: Oh god. Duck and cover, everyone.  
Jessica: *not wanting to listen to Anakin's childhood* Hey, anybody seen R2D2 in the last like, 10 minutes?  
DOT: No. Oh wait, I see him!  
JarJar: *intrigued* WHERE??????  
DOT: GOTCHA!!!!!!!  
JarJar: *cries*  
DOT: *evil cackle*  
Everyone: *stares at DOT*  
Obi-wan: Still, we must find him......

DOT: Let's see, if I was R2D2 I would....

Jessica: No, that's my thing!

DOT: Okay, okay!

Jessica: If I was R2D2 I would be... going to a hotdog place!

DOT: Stupid, he's a droid! He can't eat!

Jessica: Oh well...

Obi-wan: Just hurry up.

JarJar: Yessire, it's starting to smell in here!

Anakin: Hey! Does not, I'm wearing deoderant today!

DOT: Ew, you don't wear it everyday?

Jessica: Gross...  
Anakin: Here's what I do. If anyone says I stink, I chop their head off.  
JarJar: YOU STINK, ANI!  
*Anakin chops JarJar's head off*  
Anakin: See?  
DOT: *horrified stare*  
Jessica: Cool....  
Everyone: *stares at Jessica*

Obi-wan: You are forgetting the task at hand, my young ones.

DOT: Which is….?

Obi-wan: *losing his cool* FINDING R2! WHY AM I THE ONLY SMART ONE HERE??? WHY! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY???

Everyone: *stares at ground and shuffles feet*

Obi-wan: *regains cool* I am sorry and deeply regretful for my outburst.

Jessica: Heh. Sure you are.

Obi-wan: *loses cool again* *pulls out lightsaber* *holds it threateningly towards Jessica* ARE YOU DOUBTING ME?????

Jessica: *scared out of her pants* Not anymore.

**WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. REVIEWS, ANYBODY?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Neither DOT nor I own any of the characters from Star Wars…though we are currently working on that little problem…and George Lucas, I'd like you to return my calls please… :D**

DOT: Did Obi-wan just lose his cool?

Jessica: I think so...

JarJar: Yousa right yousa are!

DOT: Maybe he's on the set somewhere.

Obi-wan:*breaks into hysterical sobs* He's gone!

Jessica: By the way, what happened to Anikan?

DOT: Um...

Jessica: Dawn of Time?

DOT: I think he's the blue puddle over there.

Jessica: Ewww!

JarJar: BUT ANI'S RIGHT THERE!

*Anikan is standing right behind DOT*

DOT: *startled scream* Oh my god! How did you even do that?

Anikan: I'm a ghost, remember?

DOT: Oh yeah...

Jessica: So what's the blue puddle over there?

Obi-wan: ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? MY GOD!

Jessica: *slaps obi-wan* Get a grip!

Obi-wan: *getting a grip* It's R2...

DOT: HE MELTED???

Obi-wan: *as if talking to a young child* Well, it would seem that way...because R2D2's gone, and there's a puddle right there with a broken light panel floating around in it...

DOT: Well you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Obi-wan: *losing his cool again* JERK??? I'M OBI-WAN-FRIGGING-KENOBI! I'M THE COOLEST PERSON THAT EVER EXISTED!!!

Jessica: *quietly* Anger issues...

Anikan: Hey, where's JarJar?

Jessica: Oh, not again!

DOT: I'm starting to miss R2D2

Jessica: Yeah, me too.

DOT: He was the best.

Obi-wan: I thought I was the best!

DOT: Not anymore

Obi-wan: You can't just change your mind!

DOT: Um…yeah I can, and right now Orlando Bloom is way cooler than you.

Jessica: Um…

Anikan: Double um…

DOT: Your name is an-i-can if you look at the spelling

Jessica: Okay…really, DOT? That was random...

Obiwan: Urrr…yeah.

Anikan: Let's forget about this whole thing and work on finding JarJar.

DOT: *in whiney voice* I don't miss him though!

Jessica: you do so…now let's go.

Anikan: How?

DOT: In my yellow Slugbug!

Jessica: You're not 16 yet!

DOT: Well neither are you, so let's go.

Obi-wan: I'm NOT getting in that car.

Jessica: *getting into obi-wan's face* What, you think you're too good for it? You stupid, ugly, Orlando Bloom wannabe...

Anikan: How could you say that?

Jessica: *breaking down* I DON'T KNOW! THE EMOTION JUST GOT TO ME! I LOVE YOU, OBI-WAN!!! *grovels at Obi-wan's feet*

Obi-wan: Now that's more like it.

DOT: Hey, whadda bout my car?

Anikan: I'm so in. *jumps in car*

Obi-wan: That's only because you're a ghost, my young one. People of the living understand that to enter that car is like wishing to die.

DOT: HEY!

Obi-wan: *looking innocent* What?

Jessica: You know what? DOT is my friend, so I'm gonna get in the car.

DOT: *meaningful glance at Jessica* Thank you.

Obi-wan: *waving hand* Well, have fun dying. I am the strongest and most powerful person I know, and I'm still afraid of what will happen if *gestures to DOT, who has dropped the keys under the car and is trying to get them* she drives that car. I'm gonna go look for JarJar. PEACE OUT!

Jessica: Whoa, that's new.

DOT: *sad eyes*

***Everyone except for Obi-wan, R2D2, and JarJar, get into the car…***

DOT: *looking for JarJar as she's driving* Hmm…well, where could JarJar be?

Jessica: The hotdog place!

DOT: This time I think you might be right!

Anikan: What's a hotdog?

Jessica: *horrified face* Gasp!

DOT: *horrified face* Double gasp!

Anikan: What?

Jessica: *Turns to DOT* He has issues.

DOT: *nods*

Anikan: Ugh.

Jessica: *looking out at road* Well, take a left here.

DOT: Uh-huh. *turns left*

Anikan: OH MY GOD! There's a person right in front of you!

DOT: *squeals* EEEEEEEEK!

Jessica: Ahhh!

DOT: * grabs steering wheel and narrowly misses hitting person* That was a close one.

Anikan: *Scared out of his robes*

Jessica: That kinda looked like Obiwan...

DOT: Ummm *scared face* I hope not.

Anikan: I'm getting out of this robot!

Jessica: It's not a robot…

DOT: …It's a car!

Anikan: *laughing as if he's the only person in the whole universe who's ever right* Sure.

Jessica: *ignoring Anikan* Let's go see if that actually was Obi-wan!

DOT: Okey-dokey!

***The car stops and everybody jumps out, heading back down the road to see what the car narrowly missed hitting…***

JarJar: MEESA ALMOST BEEZ GETTIN HIT WITH A DONKEY!

Jessica: Oh, so we almost hit you? That's a relief. I thought it was someone important.

JarJar: *sniffles*

DOT: By the way, it was a car, not a donkey.

JarJar: Same thing, right?

DOT: No.

Anikan: Okay--so now we have JarJar, but no Obi-wan. And R2's a blue puddle on the ground.

Jessica: *checking things off a list that appeared from nowhere* Yes, yes, and yes. I think that's everything.

Anikan: MASTER KENOOOOOOOOOOOBI! WE FOUND JARJAR!!!!!!!!!!

DOT: Like he's gonna hear you.

Anikan: Oh *arching eyebrow* He will.

Jessica: What's that supposed to mean?

DOT: I don't know, but it scares me...

Jessica: Well, maybe it's like telepathy.

JarJar: MEESA KNOW!

DOT: What?

JarJar: NEVAMIND MEESA FORGOT!

Jessica: *Shakes head*

DOT: GRRRRRRR!

Anikan: Whoa!

Jessica: *looks at DOT, flinches* Calm!

DOT: WHY?

Jessica: Like yoga! Hmmmmmmmmmm!

DOT: Hmmmmmmmmmm!

Jessica: Nowww you willlll askkk nicelllly, hmmmmm!

DOT: *asking nicely* Anikan, what do you mean?

Anikan: I do mean the use of telepathy, except that mine causes more damage to the brain, thereby hurting all of the ones I love so I can feel sorry for myself later.

Jessica: Heh. Figures.

JarJar: MEESA GONNA GET TELEPATHIZED?

Anikan: *looking at JarJar* Once again...no.

JarJar: *more sniffles*

DOT: So you're gonna do that to Obi-wan? You're going to give him brain damage just so he can hear you? DOES ANYBODY ELSE BUT ME SEE THE PROBLEM IN THIS?

Jessica: *glares at DOT* Did we not just practice yoga?

DOT: Oh yah...sorry. *goes back to taking deep breaths*

Anikan: Alright...here goes! *gets extremely intense look on face*

JarJar: ANI, ARE YOU OKAY?????? *runs over and tackles Anikan in a hug*

Anikan: GAAAAAAH! JARJAR, YOU BROKE MY CONCENTRATION! *pulls out light saber and kills JarJar*

Jessica: Well, it's about time.

DOT: YOU GOT BLOOD ON MY SHOES!

Anikan: *back to concentrating*  
***Somewhere in the desert, Obi-wan collapses into a ball on the ground...***

**Please review…I know this is very random…but we like to keep it that way! **


	3. Chapter 3

**So…here we go with our latest installment!!! Yeah! Okay! **

**Obi-wan: *collapsed in a ball* AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!**

**Anikan: *trying to communicate with Obi-wan* Master Kenobi, we have found JarJar…**

**Obi-wan: *still collapsed* OKAY, I HEAR YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! **

**DOT: Stop it, Anikan! You're killing him! You're killing the awesomeness! STOP!**

**Anikan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **

**Jessica: ANIKAN!!! **

**Anikan: *stops* What?**

**Jessica: *going scarily quiet* You…are an…idiot. Even if that were not the fact, I would still be angry enough at you, at this very minute in space-time, to rip your head off with my teeth and swallow it whole, enjoying the deliciousness of your eyes as I did so.**

**DOT: *glares at Anikan* Great, now you made her go insane. *pats Jessica on the back* Think happy thoughts, happy thoughts…**

**Jessica: Like burning Anikan alive with a flamethrower?**

**DOT: Not exactly...**

**JarJar: *alive* YOUSA CAN'T KILL ANI! MEESA KILL YOU!!! *jumps on Jessica and begins to attack her***

**Jessica: AHHHHHHH! I wasn't actually going to attack him, you idiot!**

**JarJar: MEESA NOT AN IDIOT! MEESA JARJAR BINKS! **

**DOT: Same thing. **

**Anikan: *fake laughing* Ha. Ha. Ha. That was very funny. Could we please get back to me destroying the ones I love?**

**Obi-wan: *appearing from nowhere and walking over a hill in a movie moment* You love me? *a smile slowly appears on his face as he jogs in slow motion over to Anikan***

**Anikan: *smiles in the same fashion and jogs slow motion over to Obi-wan* I always have—you're like a brother to me. **

***A musical movie moment is about to happen…***

**Obi-wan: *starting to sing* I always thought that it was over, cuz' you turned away from me…**

**Anikan: *continuing to sing* But all I needed you to do was look around and see…**

**Obi-wan: *breaking out into a dance move and singing loudly* That YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU got my baaaaaaack!**

***Anikan stabs Obi-wan in the back with a lightsaber* *Obi-wan dies***

**Anikan: Boo-yah! Killin' de loved ones, y'all!**

**Jessica: Jeez, how pitchy can you get??? *imitates what seems to be a dying rat trapped in a toaster oven* You should take singing lessons. **

**DOT: And, uh…VISIT A PYSCHIATRIST. **

Jessica: Got anything else to add?

DOT: Nope.

Jessica: Okay, then that was a short list.

DOT: *nods*

JarJar: MEESA GOT SOMETHING TO ADD!

Jessica: What are you adding?

JarJar: THAT ANI LOVE MEESA!

DOT: *shrug* That's fine in my book.

Jessica: Okay, the list is officially done.

DOT: *DOT's pocket starts to buzz* Whoa, somebody's texting me!

JarJar: WHO IS IT? MEESA WANTS TO KNOW!!!!!

Jessica: Be quiet, JarJar. DOT, answer the message.

DOT: Wow, its like, all in bleeps and bloops…

Jessica: Like somebody swearing?

DOT: No, like how R2D2 talks.

JarJar: YAY HE'S ALIVE! MEESA HAPPY!

Jessica: *grabs phone from DOT* This isn't a number I recognize. It could be anyone.

DOT: Yikes! It could be *pauses for dramatic effect* a STALKER! *screams and runs behind Jessica* I'm scared…

Anikan: Ha! Like anyone would wanna stalk _you. _

DOT: *glares at Anikan*

Jessica: *glares at Anikan and tries to melt his face with her mind* *It doesn't work*

Obi-wan: *alive* That was cold, my son.

DOT: I'M BEING STALKED!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anikan: *throws bucket of cold water on DOT* You're not being stalked. Get over it.

DOT: *not noticing the icy cold water as it slowly freezes her* WHAT IF HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE?????? OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obi-wan: I have Jedi mind powers. Are you honestly worrying about a stalker that most likely does not exist?

DOT: WHAT IF HE STEALS MY IDENTITY AND USES MY CREDIT CARD TO BUY A PORSCHE?!?!?!?!? I CAN'T AFFORD A PORSCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obi-wan: I have a lightsaber. It's fine. There's nothing to worry about.

DOT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Obi-wan: *sighs and slaps DOT*

DOT: Oh. Thanks.

Anikan: *slaps DOT* Heh. Fun.

Jessica: *slaps DOT* Oh my god, you're right! This should be a sport!

DOT: *looking angry and hurt* I thought you were my friend!!!

Jessica: I am. But I'm also someone who likes to slap people.

JarJar: *slaps DOT* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Anikan: A little late on that one, JarJar. Good job, though. *starts a high five, which JarJar misreads as an invitation to slap Anikan in the face*

JarJar: *slaps Anikan in the face* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Anikan: YOU DO NOT SLAP ME!!! *kills JarJar*

DOT: *Slaps everyone in the face* Payback.

Jessica: So, it's safe to say we've forgotten about the possible stalker?

DOT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Obi-wan: I personally wouldn't have reminded her.

Jessica: Yeah, I'm kinda regretting that one.

DOT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jessica: DOT, stalkers don't write messages in bleeps and bloops, okay? It's just not what we do.

Obi-wan: Not what "we" do?

Jessica: *looking incredibly innocent* What?

JarJar: *alive* STALKERS ARE NICE AND SMELL LIKE RICE AND TASTE LIKE ICE!!!!

Everybody: Ok then.

Obi-wan: You said "we" like you were a stalker.

DOT: Yeah, she did, didn't she… *walks menacingly over to Jessica*

JarJar: YOU SMELL LIKE RICE!!!

Jessica: I'm…uh…not a stalker!!!!

DOT: THEN WHY ARE YOU HESITATING????

Jessica: I don't know!!!!  
*R2D2 rolls over the horizon and everyone stares in awe*

R2D2: Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Boop. (*Translated*: DIDN'T YOU GET MY MESSAGES, YOU MORONS?!?!?!)

Everybody: R2!!!!!

R2D2: BEEOOOP! (*Translated*: NO. FRIGGING. DUH.)

JarJar: MEESA HAPPY TO SEE YOU TOO! *hugs R2*

R2D2: Bloop. (*Translated*: I will kill you all.)

Obi-wan: *turning to Jessica, who is trying to slink away* So why did you say "we"?

Jessica: Because I'm French?

*Imaginary Rim-shot*

Anikan: COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. *throws tomatoes at Jessica*

Jessica: Okay! I stalked this guy this one time, alright? No biggie.

DOT: What was his name?

Jessica: Uh…Obi-wan.

Obi-wan: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa there.

DOT: I'm going to agree with that.

**Well, there ya go! Please review, as always. **


End file.
